Flashback Friday...Roaring

Quirky and I went to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe tonight at our local community theater. Quirky sitting still for over and hour and watching a play is an accomplishment in itself...but that is not what I am here to talk about. No tonight something happened...or should I say didn't happen. I was amazed...

USE YOUR FORK!!!

Fork? Spoon? What are those things and what could they possible be used for???We had just been brought our plates piled high with tilapia, shrimp, scallops and crab cakes, and I was watching appalled

Flashback Friday...It's been Awhile

I haven't posted a Flashback Friday in quite awhile. So long it seems that maybe you are reading this and thinking...what is she talking about? Well if that's you then check out this post Flashback Fridays the Beginning . So why haven't I posted a Flashback Friday? or for that matter why haven't I really posted at all? Let's just say...

Quirky

It was but a moment.
From then...
till now.
You grew so QUICKLY.
Amazing...
Something so wonderful
came from
me.
You are my sunshine
my day brighter
SIMPLY because
you are.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!

One minute she is crying about who knows what...then she is giggling and talking to herself. One minute she is rolling her eyes and stomping her feet...the next she is curled up in my lap wanting to cuddle. Two seconds after that the cycle is likely to repeat. AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Mood swings abound....Quirky is an emotional basket case....Mom is an emotional basket case...Dork is gone ( AGAIN!!!!). AAAAAAAHHHHHH! So here is what I am thinking...

Family Movie Night

Family movie night is a standing date in our house...most often on Friday nights but sometimes it is postponed to Saturday. Last night however found Quirky and myself home alone...Dork had to work :(  . On the upside to Dork being gone was that Quirky and I had movie night our style...

Flashback Friday.....Eating

I bet you think that this post is going to be about how Quirky was a terrible eater. So picky that all I could get her to eat was cheese puffs and cornflakes or some other disgusting combination. Maybe you are hoping that it is and that I have found that miracle cure for that dreaded "disease" called the picky eater. Well....

It Hurts

How can you stop the most boring meeting in the whole world and get a group of roughly 60 people to stop talking all at once? Its easy...just insert one very cranky autistic child and one extremely exasperated mom. Works like a charm...the only problem being that said Mom may want to crawl in a small hole and hide. What nonsense am I babbling about now?

Hover Mom

Have you ever had the hairs on the back of your neck stand up...had your gut tell you something was not right? I had that feeling today. It is so not a good feeling...

Her words.
Spilling forth like a torrent
We are drenched
Eddies of misunderstanding
Twisting and turning
Finally...
Settling into the rhythm of
Her language
Our language
Together we conquered...
This elusive thing...
Communication.

Flashback Friday...Bathtime

Water...water...every where PLEASE! PLEASE! DON'T LET IT GET NEAR MY HAIR!!!! OR MY EYES, MOUTH, ARMS, LEGS OR MY....you get the point. Quirky used to be scared of water. Bath time in our house used to involve swim goggles...and two adults in wet suits

Barbie

The great thing about Barbie is that if something happens to her...well then there are usually at least 5 twins lying around that could easily take her spot. Or at least I thought until oh about 20 minutes ago....

Flashboack Friday...Making Contact

More specifically eye contact. In the early years it was virtually non existent. My mouth was constantly uttering the words look at Mommy...look at Daddy....look at me...look...look...look. Like some crazed parrot starving for attention. 

Sibling Rivalry?

"BUT SHE STARTED IT!" Oh those dreaded words that most every parent hears when their children fight and argue...wait a minute...Quirky is an only child. So who just exactly am I talking about? Well...

Flashback Friday...Its better than a poke in the eye

Mornings. How do they start in your house? With an alarm wailing at you...maybe a baby wailing at you? Do your kids get up quietly and play...or do they run through the house like a bunch of hooligans destroying everything in their path? Do you sit down to breakfast and a cup of coffee or is it a pop tart as you run out the door willing time to stand still? Our mornings now well lets just say...

Flashback Fridays...Repetitive Questions

"What color is my hair?" "What color is my hair?" "What color is my hair?" What color is my hair?" "What color is my hair?" "What color is my hair?" "What color is my hair?"

Sometimes Quirky surprises us...

Saturday we went to the first birthday party of a simply adorable little girl . A little girl who has Quirky enthralled. To be honest at first I was hesitant to go the party...they are usually hard for Quirky to handle. My fear was that Quirky might not be able to handle all the new people she would meet...all the noise...did I mention the party was in a bouncy center? A place that is normally full of over excited kids...loud games...oh the list goes on and on.  (let's be honest here...I was scared Quirky was going to freak out and ruin the party) Ultimately Dork and I decided to go.  I am glad that we did...because Quirky surprised us both.

"Mom...I am NOT going to marry a prince."

 HUH? That's what my mind thought when Quirky announced this to me last week. Doesn't every little girl dream of marrying a prince? We watch Disney movies, dress up and daydream about princes. (admit it...you did at least once) When I asked why her explanation was well....

I am vain

I am vain
counting the grey hairs
as they come
until there are too many
I search my face-
its youth I hope to find
but only see the
road map of lines
and imperfections
my reflection mocks me
laughing at...
the youth I feel inside
Not me...not now
I would rather time
not leave those
souvenirs upon my face.
I am vain.

Would you care to join me?

I'm having a pity party. Recently I celebrated...no that's the wrong word....recently my birthday came and went. Was I expecting a big elaborate party? No. What I expecting a big YEE-HAW at the local restaurant? Definitely not. Was I expecting a birthday cake? No. Was I expecting a gift? No not really...although it would have been nice. Was I expecting the phone to ring off the hook with well-wishers? No. Was I expecting a card? No...but a girl can be hopeful.

Flashback Friday...Brushing Quirky's Teeth

Tonight I sent Quirky upstairs to brush her teeth and she did. So? No big deal right? Parents all over the world are probably doing that same thing as I type. But for us...well its kind of a big deal. Quirky is brushing her own teeth....willingly.

Disabilities?

Quirky asked me something last night at dinner...something that made me feel a little sad. Sad that she would ever think to ask this question. Her question?
"Mom Do I have disabilities?" My heart skipped a beat...but my answer I already knew. It was in my heart...in my head and on the tip of my tongue. No...a definite no. But I did not just say no. I couldn't just say no...she deserved a better answer. What did I say?

Vacant

         Her eyes are gone

vacant they stare

I know she is not far

maybe lost in a ray of light

or a hidden sound

I hesitate

the wrath for breaking

that special internal bond

so huge

that it consumes me whole.

Flashback Friday...Hugs

To realize just how far you have come sometimes you have to look back at the beginning...so I decided to start Flashback Fridays. I hope it keeps me positive. I hope it makes me realize just how great my life has always been even when Quirky's quirks weren't always so cute. I hope it makes others realize that things can and do get better. So without further ado...

I guess people were bound to find out

The cat's out of the bag, the beans are spilled...the truth is out. In simpler terms...Quirky told. So for inquiring minds...(insert dramatic pause here)
We have decided to homeschool next year. Homeschooling is not new to us...it is where we started and looking back now quite possibly where we should have stayed. Why are we choosing to homeschool again? A multitude of reasons but the most important one come to mind...

Our local bookstore...

Its Quirky's and my favorite place to go. Dork says we go there too much...but how can we not go? For us its much more than a bookstore...

Obsessions

Quirky has a few obsessions...things that occupy a vast majority of our time and can often take over our lives. One of those reoccurring themes are...

Summer

I am waiting for summer
like a condemned man waits
for a reprieve
waiting for those moments
when we can relax
let go
stress dropping
like rain on new grass
I am waiting for the moment
when I can finally
breath.

In the Pink

MMMM.... What is more embarrassing to think about...Wearing Dork's pink underwear?...or not being able to wear Dork's pink underwear because my behind is just too big to fit? What am I talking about you ask? Well...

More Testing....PLEASE?

Recently Quirky's had to do her end of the year testing. Yes tests. Those dreaded...panic attack causing....stressful things that are required by most if not all states. Quirky though...well she and I have a unique way of looking at things and well I guess it has paid off...

Girl Time...

Sometimes I am just really thankful that Quirky is a girl. I know...boys are great too...but I was blessed with a girl. I wouldn't trade her for a dozen boys. Why? Because having a girl means doing girlie things together like...

Vanity

Quirky and I were headed out to do some shopping. I was rushing around trying to finish getting dressed and Quirky was "helping" by sitting in my bathroom "talking" my ear off. As bad as I hate to say it...most of what she said I kind of ignored (insert sheepish shrug here). It was repetitive...things I has already heard earlier in the day, week, month...you get the point. My ears however did perk up when there was a pause in the conversation...which was followed by...

What the...

Sometimes things just coming rolling out of Quirky's mouth. Things that we are amazed, confused and sometimes appalled to hear. Sometimes they are good things (as in WOW! How did you learn that?) and sometimes not so good (as in where did you hear THAT!)  Recently Dork and I were faced with one of those moments...

Her Beautiful Voice

                

Silence today

I’m not sure

Why.

Patiently I wait

Who said Silence is

GOLDEN?

Someone who has

never heard

HER BEAUTIFUL VOICE.

A Beautiful Handmade Mother's Day Card

Friday Quirky brought home a lovely handmade Mother's Day card. A card not just from her but also from our dog ...because I am his mother too. On it she wrote some acrostic poems.

So it wasn't my best parenting moment...

Let me start off by saying that Quirky absolutely loves the David Books by David Shannon. So much in fact that she has been mimicking some of the actions...

And the answer is...

Ok. Here are two questions taken from a quiz that Quirky recently took on pirates. First question...What was the name of the famous ship that was discovered in 1996? Quirky's answer...Blackbeard's ship, Queen Anne's Revenge. Which is correct by the way for those of you who may be pirately challenged.  Second question...Who's ship was it? Quirky's answer....

One can never be too safe...

or can you? Its been warm here lately. So warm and beautiful that Quirky and I have been spending a lot of time outdoors playing. We have been having a marvelous time...playing ball...drawing with chalk...playing with bubbles...wearing helmets...wait a minute..."What?" you ask. "Oh wait I see...you were riding bikes?" NOPE...

Blessed with Autism

I think maybe she’ll be a

story weaver

wrapping the worlds

of unsuspected readers

into an imaginative web

Never once

would they suspect

that she was blessed

with Autism.

Say what?

OK. So this post has nothing to do with Quirky or Dork or even myself...but I just had to post this. It is just to ridiculous not to. A conversation overheard....

What in the world is she wearing?

Quirky's fashion sense is somewhat unique. Stripes with plaid...no problem. Shirt buttoned up wrong...its a new fashion trend. Hair sticking up everywhere...its all the rage. Most days I help to edit that unique fashion sense. The past Monday I left Dork in charge and well.....

Attitudey Judy

...that is what I have taken to calling Quirky. Judy is not her real name mind you...it just rhymes in a self satisfying kind of way. Lately Quirky has been throwing a lot and I mean a lot of attitude my way. Ask a simple question what do I get...attitude. Can hear her when she mumbles...ask her to repeat...more attitude. Where is all this attitude coming from? I have theories...

Inclusion...is it always a good thing?

The statistics now say that 1 out of every 110 kids has autism. Its shows...what do I mean? Let me explain. Quirky is in a regular class room...she is very high functioning and in theory this should go well. Notice I said in theory. Anyway that is another story. A few years ago Quirky might have been the only child with autism in her class...

Sam I am...

the movie starring Sean Penn that is. Dork and tried to watch it. I tried. Really I did. I pushed my thoughts down...but they kept coming back. In the end my thoughts won and I cried like a big baby. The whole movie was much too close to home for me to watch.
I try to stay positive about Quirky...she is very high-functioning...and I know that the she has so much potential. But sometimes...it sneaks up on me...this doubt...this fear...this utter panic and I am filled with the What Ifs?

Lost...one half of finger

OK so its not really lost. Its just stuck half way up Quirky's nose. I think she might be scratching her brain. OK by now most of you have caught on to what I am talking about but for those of you who may be lagging behind....insert drum roll here...I'm talking about nose picking. Its disgusting...its vile...its gross....its...its...OK you get the point. Most kids do it...I've even seen some adults do it. But Quirky...well she...

MMMM....Let's Talk About Career Choices

Quirky brought home a worksheet from school today. It was a career choices worksheet...I laughed until I hurt at the answers she gave. Do you want to work?....uh...NO. It was just so Quirky and besides....what elementary child can REALLY answer these questions?

Special Olympics

Quirky recently got the opportunity to participate in our local track and field special Olympics. She brought home one first place ribbon and two third place ribbons. She was ecstatic...on top of the world. Dork and I were extremely proud. This is not our first experience with Special Olympics either in fact you might Quirky is beginning to become quite a pro...this is her third year. Participating gives Quirky an opportunity to relax and kick back with her friends....and by kick back I mean....

Did You Know....

Did you know that this past Saturday was World Autism Awareness Day? or that this month is National Autism Month? How did our family spend World Autism Awareness Day?

Mmmmm...Is that light I see?

There is a strange look on her face...a mixture of panic...I want to laugh...and pure curiosity. Why? Dork. Most things that make me want to really laugh start with Dork and Quirky. What am I talking about? Let me explain...

How does she do that?

We had omelets for dinner tonight. I am going to start boring you to pieces with what we have for dinner every night? No.

I have to say...

... that sometimes Quirky just cracks me up. She is just so funny...and she doesn't even know it. What do I mean you say...give you examples? Well OK if you insist.

A message to the people in the booth behind us...

First I have to say that both Dork and I strive very hard to teach Quirky how to behave respectful toward other people in a public space. Some people may call us strict...I think most people are too lenient.
We went out to eat today for lunch. Did Quirky do something embarrassing you might ask? Well no. Did Dork do something embarrassing? No. Did I do something embarrassing? No...well at least that I know of. What I'm here to complain...huh I mean to talk about is other people's kids.

Ice Cream Anyone?

So after leaving Dork's office this afternoon and completing our errands Quirky asks...Can we go get some ice cream? It was a simple request and I was feeling generous. Ok let's be honest I was feeling hot and sweaty and ice cream sounded good to me too. What ensued was a ridicilous amount of stop and go events

Pity

         I don’t want your pity

Caring eyes

Secreted behind those orbs

your thoughts race…

Thank God that’s not me.

Not my child.

I don’t want your pity.

Sometime I pity you…

In your narrow world

perfection taking

to few forms.

I don’t want your pity,

To me she is

PERFECTION.

Pop Tarts

Have you seen the Pop Tart commercial?....the cartoon one with the happy Mom making the Pop Tarts and the kids come sliding down the stairs and start dancing. They just can't wait to get their little animated hands on those Pop Tarts....mmmm makes me hungry and reminds of my childhood. Quirky has been fascinated by that commercial

Communication Skills

As far as Quirky goes her communication skills have come a long way...A LONG WAY...from where we started. She is verbal...some days extremely verbal! People are often surprised that she is autistic (and often as not I would like to see what these people expect an autistic child to look like....stereotypes AAAAHHH! but anyway that is another story) One thing that has still been a struggle for us is body language...meaning that she rarely uses it or understands it. Shrug her shoulders...never. Wave hello....rarely. Shake her head yes or no...when the mood hits her.

Its just a finger...

I had to find out from another parent. I'm glad she told me and I'm glad that her child was honest and caring enough to tell her. I also have to mention that this child was not part of all this nonsense. Apparently some kids at school have been getting Quirky to make rude gestures (imagine the worse) and then laughing.

It all started with a Story...

It started simple enough. A story. Then one story turned into two...three...four...more and then into a blog. I had to start the blog or she was going to single handedly deforest part of the earth...you would have seen us on Hoarders...we would be the house drowning in paper. I thought I was smart...give her an outlet to be creative.  Was that enough to staunch Quirky thirst for creativity?

I've been suckered...

That's right I've been suckered...into letting Quirky sleep with me while Dork is away. Bad idea...bad idea...BAD IDEA. I know this yet I fall for this every time. Why? I really don't know. I wish I did. Maybe it's her cute little face...maybe its because a kid who doesn't really like to be touched wants to be close to mom. I really just don't know. What I do know is that I've been down this road before and I know where it leads yet I keeping taking this route. I must be crazy...

Does Quirky snuggle? No.

Those Early Years

it was like a river
had dried up
those early years
the fluid of her voice
disappeared
leaving our world
barren and stunted
time would pass
before a trickle emerged
only to give way
to a torrent...
we quenched are souls
in the beauty of her
voice.

Ecstasy

I see her face

on the canvas of my eyes

dancing in circles

in and out of shadows

She moves like

a whirling dervish

face thrown to the sky

She is in ecstasy.

Unexpected "Sightings"

I was supposed to by tickets to the ballet. I forgot. What's Nerd to do when Quirky is expecting a fun trip to the ballet? Hope that today is a flexible day and try something different. We went to a movie instead...a 3D movie at that. Loud music and images jumping out of the screen. It was enough to make me want to throw up and hours later I still have a headache. Quirky...breezed through it with flying colors. The whole change of plans...the loud noise...the 3D. Everything...well up until it was time to go.

Imagination

I hear her voice talking
to sights unseen.
Responding to questions
unasked.
Smiling to faces
not there.
Living a life
not here.
She drowns in her
IMAGINATION
I cannot save her
from
HERSELF.

Let me tell you a story...

a fairytale...of sorts. A few years back my beautiful Quirky daughter was integrated into public school after being homeschooled (and no that is not what the story is about). A few weeks into the whole being in public school thing she asked, "Mom, Why don't you look pretty like the other Moms?" After swallowing my hurt feelings and my bruised ego I answered her with some vague comments about not judging people by their appearance....blah...blah...blah (or at least I am sure that is what she heard)

Notice

         I hide

in the silence

watching

waiting

knowing

it will happen

soon

the moment

I hope it does not come

when others

Notice

treating her

differently

overtly at first

slowly

becoming

Obvious.

Overwhelmed by Autism

Time warped days

Wrapped up in a blanket of silence

or transversely

violently soaked in a downpour…

of meaningless “conversation”

I wait out the storm alone

Wondering will the shadow

of the clouds overhead ever leave…

Only to be awakened by the

Sunshine from her beautiful face.

Careful Stay Away from the Edge!

Quirky and I went for a walk around our neighborhood the other day. It was nice getting out after a winter's worth of practically hybernating. The walk for the most part was uneventful...she chattered like a monkey in a tree about Oscar Fido (http://themisadventuresofoscarfido.blogspot.com/ ). I listened and nodded a lot...somedays that is all I manage to do because I can't seem to get a word in. It was one of those kind of days. She had been talking nonstop since she sat down in the car after school.

Homework Battles

Homework. Just the word alone can cause most any child to break out in the whines and any parent want to hide in a closet. Its dreaded...its avoided...and yes I know (for you teachers out there) I know that it is needed. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Losing an hour or more (usually more) of my afternoon to homework battles is not my idea of fun.
I call them battles...but really its more about a fight for attention. Quirky's attention. By the afternoon Quirky can quite often be out there...maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you've been there with your child. If not then let me explain.

The Elephant Parade

It's early. I know its early even though I can not see the glowing blurs on my clock. Its early and the elephant parade has started or at least that is what it sounds like. Boom. Bang. Boom. Bang. Boom. Bang. Boom. Bang.  Boom. Bang.

Bullies

I think I mentioned before that not all days are sunshine and lolly pops. Sometimes things happen and no matter how hard you try...you just can't protect them from everything. I want to. I'm sure that most parents do. It happened to me as a kid...it may have happened to you. This thing...this subject that I am talking about is BULLYING.

Arm Farts?

You might say that potty humor in our family is embraced. Bad parenting you say? Hear me out...
It was not until recently that I really realized just how much we have embraced the potty humor. It all started with the kids movie Robots...old movie I know but it was our first time seeing it. It was perfect for Quirky's sense of humor...it contained segments of crude and rude humor (on a side note Quirky has taken up reading the ratings on movie boxes). Let me put it a little plainer...it contains lots of potty humor.

Fast forward to later that night after the movie.

Shrek

Some might say we are over protective while others might wonder what we could have possibly been thinking...We finally let Quirky watch the Shrek movies. I'm still not sure whether that was good parenting or bad parenting. I know...I know...most kids her age have seen all the Shrek movies.
With Quirky though things have a way of being misunderstood and well we just weren't sure if she was ready. Did we destroy her love of princesses and  belief in fairytale endings or did she learn that true beauty comes in all forms and that true love is not about fairy tales but about loving and respecting each other unconditionally? I'm not sure. What I do know is that the opening menu of Shrek 2 has made a lasting impression. In fact it has become an ongoing game in our house.

A Tragic Loss

I am sad to say that we have suffered a great loss. Its tragic. I'm not sure that we can make it through the day. The WII remote has....(insert deep sob here) died. OK so it was really just the batteries but unfortunately we were not smart enough to buy rechargeable batteries and we didn't have any regular batteries anywhere in the house to be found. ALAS...what is a girl to do in the face of such tragedy?

Juice Box or Beat Box?

I have to start this post by saying my husband is such a dork. I love him...he's my dork...but a dork none the less. I also have to mention that between the fact that he is a dork and I am a completely nerd our child...had no choice but to be quirky. Aspergers aside...chances are she would still be quirky. So what happens when you get quirky and dork together at the dinner table? A lot of silliness and lots of laughter.

American Idol Try Outs?

Our house is rarely quiet. Which may come as quite a surprise to some people. Autism for our family has never really meant quiet...quiet in public maybe but quiet in private never. Even before she could talk she hummed...constantly. When you called our house it sounded like a band of monkeys had taken over...or so I have been told.

A Buggy Situation

7:10. I hear no signs of life coming from quirky girl's room so I decide to investigate. "Are you up?" Silence. "Are you making up your bed?" Silence. "Are you getting dressed?" Again Silence. "Madeline?"
"Can you come up her please." a tiny voice floats down the stairs.

If its ok with you I'll sit under the table...

Eye contact for my daughter is hit or miss. She is usually OK making eye contact with the people in her circle...those people she sees everyday and are comfortable with. She never however makes eye contact with a stranger... well until this weekend. We were at a restaurant and had just been seated. Things are going swell...wonderfully easy. Its fairly quiet considering its the weekend and we didn't even have to wait. Things are almost what you might say going too well. My husband would say that he feels a disturbance in the force (STARS WARS NERD) me I call it mother's intuition.

Eating Zippers?

Tonight as we sat down at the table to eat dinner Madeline asked me what was in our stir fry. Being the mom that I am and one who has been down this road before I was what you might call somewhat vague. Only things you like...broccoli, carrots...I told her but truth be told it was a stir fry frozen mix I knew that much and that was all. This was quite frankly leftovers that my husband had cooked the night before and well...I didn't really know what all in ended up in that stir fry. Could have been anything...

Quirky is as Quirky Does

Unless you just came out from under a rock and this is your first dip into the real world you have probably heard of Autism. Its every where now...TV, billboards and every movie star and rock star seems to be getting on the band wagon. Don't get me wrong I'm glad...famous names bring money and money is needed for research. Research is needed to find effective treatments for kids with Autism on all levels. But to me...to our family she is simply quirky. Quirky is as quirky does. She dances to her own beat on her own homemade drum and sings a song she made up in her head. We can't help but laugh...and even though some days are extremely frustrating (they can't all be good) we laugh more than we cry and well that's what life is all about right?