Monday, April 18, 2011

Sam I am...

the movie starring Sean Penn that is. Dork and tried to watch it. I tried. Really I did. I pushed my thoughts down...but they kept coming back. In the end my thoughts won and I cried like a big baby. The whole movie was much too close to home for me to watch.
I try to stay positive about Quirky...she is very high-functioning...and I know that the she has so much potential. But sneaks up on me...this doubt...this fear...this utter panic and I am filled with the What Ifs?

What will happen to Quirky if something were to ever happen to us?
What if Quirky realizes just how different she really is?
What if Quirky isn't able to handle the stress of an actual job?
What if Quirky cannot live by herself?
What if Quirky never learns to speak to people other than  us?
What if Quirky never gets a chance at a first date?
What if Quirky never has the joy of finding someone who truly loves her and she loves in return?
What if Quirky never has the utter and completely wonderful emotions that go along with having her very own child....but then what if she does?
What if...
What if...

So in the end the what ifs took over my mind and tears claimed my face. Dork calmed me down and turned the channel. Dork always seems to manage to calm me down. Will I ever be able to watch that movie? Probably I said It was just too close to home and the thought of the What ifs...well they just break my heart.